Eclipse

Eclipse, originally uploaded by knledford.

Well it's finally happened, my brain has melted into a puddle of nothing. I went to Chattanooga today to go to Staples and thought since I was in the area I'd stop by the Target to pick up a few things. I weeded through the busy streets and found a parking space only a half mile from the building. I turned off the car, grabbed my purse, hit the lock button on the door handle and shut the door. Then it hit me, my keys were still in the car. All the fitting four letter words came to mind and the usual "what an idiot" phases. Naturally my spare key was an hour away, mainly because 2 days before this debacule I took it out of my purse for safe keeping. So I did the next best thing, I reach into my purse and I pull out my cell phone, without thinking, my fingers on the numbers, I began to dial. An expression of retardation came over my face when I remembered, the phone doesnt work, mainly because I'm po' and haven't paid the bill. Now that I think of it, it seems silly to still carry it around... however it is good for a shot of reality. Everytime I see something in a store and I dig into my wallet for some cash, I see my little helpless, lonely phone, and I think, do I really need this, 9 times out of 10 the answer is no...

Back to the key's story... I dug deep in my pocket until I found a quarter, I wondered up to a pay phone and had the quarter ready to release, when the words " Local Calls, 50 cents" struck my eye. Fifty cents, for a limited 2 min phone call. All I can say is holy crap that's a lot. A few of those and I could pay my cell phone bill. So without a choice I pony up the half a buck and call up my sister, Kim. Kim is a mom of a 3 year old, and a sick 3 mon old, so sleep is like gold. The phone rings... and rings... and rings... and... "hello" (in a muffled tone) " Hey whatcha doin'?" "Sleeping, you?", "Well could ya do me a favor and get up out of your nice warm bed, drive an hour and bring me a key", " A key to what?" " My car, i'm at target and I've locked myself out of my car" " You retard" " Yeah I know, could you please please bring me a key" " Yeah okay give me alittle bit" ...

So, I've locked my keys inside of my car and I've woke up someone who's had maybe 10 hours sleep in the past month. I figure my best choice is to just live at the Target, rather than face the rath of her when she arrives, but I brave on...

I walked around looking at all the home decor stuff, ya know Target has such cute things. I glance at the clock on my cell phone (hey it really is good for something) A half hour passes and I continue to roam. I cover the toy section, pushing the button of ever loud, annoying thing there. I catch a few weird looks, seeing I'm playing with toys and I have no child with me. I figure this must look odd, so I hang out with a bunch of little kids, I figure well, random passerbys will think one is mine and I'll seem like a caring parent. While I was grinning at the thought of this genious plan, all the caring parents grabbed there kids and ran for it. Prolly just off to the hygene products, I thought to myself, those kids really did stink.

I glance at my watch, almost an hour it's been, so I gather my selections ( all of which I didn't need but got because I thought it would be rude not to) I paid for my things and I made my way to the snack shop, which was a full frontal view to the door. I thought, well I could see her when she comes in... I bought a bottled water and found a seat. I pretended to read the paper that was laying on the table, looking up every few seconds waiting for my key deliever to arrive. I wait and wait and drink water, and wait....

still waiting...

45 mins into this waiting game I finally see that this is some cruel joke. I begin to plot a murder, plotting, sipping and waiting....

Finally, a head I recognize came in the door, not my sister but her Husband Joe and Cousin Lynard. My key in hand... I was glad to because at this point my butt was numb.( Oh and by the way, thank you Joe for bringing my key.) I grabbed my key and headed for the car, thankful for the fact my sister didnt come to kill me. I was so glad to finally be out of the target. I hopped in, cranked up and headed straight home. It didnt actually occur to me that the entire reason I went to Chattanooga in the first place was to go to Staples until a 1/2 hour AFTER I got home! So now, I have to go all the way back to that dreaded place.
I don't know what I did to deserve this but whatever it was I'm sorry! Geez you start back to church, you try to be a good person and this is how the world repays you.

I'm moving to St. Croix, selling tiny hats on a beach, buying a sail boat with auto start and living happily ever after............



Man that is the longest story I've ever read, pointless really if you think about it... You'd almost think I was playing a cruel joke on you by making you read this long stupid thing. Oh wait I forgot that was the plan to begin with. What do you expect, I've had a crappy day and I wanted to spread alittle of that sunshine onto you... :o) It's almost impossible not to luv me isnt it! What's sad is you're still reading this... it reminds me of a time back in St. Oliffe, Charlie and the kids would be milking the cows and momma'd be gathering eggs.... Oh, no wait that's a Golden Girls episode. What were we talking about anyway? ...Well my fingers hurt, bye