Dear Santa...

"Dear Santa,
For my very first Official Christmas this year, I send to you my very first Christmas list. It is not your normal Christmas wish list filled with pleads of toys, candy or puppies.. It's a more practically list, filled with things I do so long for everyday.

For my first wish I wish for a suit of armor to use for protection from my 4 year old sister. Armed with laser shooters and 911 on-star assistance. Must include storage space for bottles, diapers, toys, ipod and my razor flip phone from Cingular.

For my second wish I wish for a security password protection toy chest complete with finger printing idenity entry and an alarm. Each toy should be equipped with idenity eye scans and should only comply on my command. All those attempting to use them without proper permission should be crushed and melted.

For my third wish I wish for complete remote control access 24 hours a day and total control of all programs viewed regardless of written requests made by those taller annoying people. Remote should be equipped with moisture absorbed protection, lighted buttons, a horn and a LCD screen panel with rotating channel views of all shows containing cartoons, wrestling or Bob Ross.

For my forth wish I wish for Calvin Kline sunglasses and a large signing reading "Photos $5.00" to be printed in bold red lettering, font is optional. Language must be Gibberish, English and Spanish. Sign should be equipped with flame throwers and smoke bomb decoys for quick get-aways from my ever flashing camera headed Aunt who chases be down yelling "look at the keys, look at the keys." Sign must be tranformable to rocket propelled Hummer. Hummer must be equipped with Gibberish voice command, invisibility mode, heat seeking missles, auto-pilot, six compact disc changer, sippy cup holders and emergency floor hatch.

And for my fifth and final wish, if you have time and space in your sleigh, I wish for you to bring a booger flavored lollipop for my sister Summer, a short and wide polka dotted tie for my daddy and a brand new hole for my mommy's favorite shirt.

P.S. I'll be leaving you some cookies and milk beside the tree, if you could please not eat them I would really appreciate it. If you could also arrange them to spell out "Logan Only," It would be nice to finally have a brand new unbroken or floor stained cookie of my very own.

- Logan"